Monday, January 30, 2012

Man Warning-V-Day-Only 15 days left for cheap men to spend all your money

Ok, fellow mankind. There is only 15 days left before the dreaded annual gender discrimination day of the year-for us men to agonize a lot of what to get this year-that annual mass media ritual where you get to spend all your money on that special woman that let us pig-dog men hang around with-Valentine's Day. One of the most sexist days of the year.

Naturally, I like to ask women what they expect to get on this sexist day. Most want diamonds and other expensive stuff that makes most of us rofl about; like that is going to happen.

For example, I asked my finance what she wanted-naturally she suggested I get her a brand new Honda Accord. Which would be great if I were a billionaire.

Now if she would have suggested a new Porsche that I get to keep both the car, keys and the title on; or even better a really nifty fishing boat with double 250 hp props, she could easily gotten those kind of gifts on V-Day because that would justify me going shopping again over at the local Pro Bass Store, aka, man-shopping heaven. Especially as compared to having to go with her to buy yet again, another addition to her collection of 9,000 pair of shoes.

A Honda Accord
-I actually laughed out loud when she made this suggestion and said, "baby . . . you may be the total package and the greatest thing that has ever happened to my pitiful person, but a Honda Accord"?

Now I am pretty certain there has to be something fundamentally wrong with my finance anyway. If she is actually going to marry me, what is wrong with her? Does she not understand factually I am a fiscally conservative man; or as most women refer to as, a cheap penny pinching a-hole.

Now if I am lucky and the neurosurgeon kills me Wednesday, I won't have to go shopping for V-Day and hang out with all the other men and boys in the same horrible situation.

Or, even worse again this year have to endure all those stupid commercials from the jewelry stores and Cadilliac suggested "she is worth it". Now I am not stating my finance has no value-she has plenty of value and is the total package. But a new Honda Accord?

I was thinking more along the traditional man-thinking. What is wrong with six dozen roses and some of that crappy heart shaped candy; or something where I can just call a florist?

The only problem I have this year with being traditional, is my finance will not tell me where she lives or works. So, the flower gig is out. What can a reasonable and rational man do, considering those minor trivial details, called facts.

Screw it. Baby, here is that new Honda Accord. I just cannot endure anymore shopping trying to figure out what to get you for V-Day.

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