Friday, March 9, 2012

It was suggested I seek inner peace and tranquility: What am I supposed to pack to go to these places?

Some of the folks I rely upon are suggesting I seek inner peace and tranquilty. I am ok with that. However, my GPS device cannot find neither place. Nor have I found Nirvana or Hell yet either. Finally, I am pretty certain Shangra La is in Los Angeles, I know what a rosebud was, and so hell with going to that stinking place. I am not going to LA for snowsleds, inner peace or tranquilty. Maybe hell is in LA.

Does anyone know where either of these places (Inner Peace and Tranquilty)are?

My pastor suggests he knows where these places are. He highly suggested I read my Bible some more for some direction, as well as to keep bugging Jesus for the roadmap. That slacker guardian angel I was given, has not given me any roadmap to anywhere, other than Estero, Florida.

Jesus, deliver to me that roadmap. Further Jesus, how many freaking steps are there to the end of that staircase to heaven? Am I close? I humbly would like to know so I can figure out what to pack in my suitcase.

Is there a good dentist that does not cause pain? Is health care free in heaven; or, is there some kind of crazy tax scheme required and I have to pay some horrible insurance companies heavenly credits for quality health care?

Am I supposed to pack clean clothes including extra sox and clean underwear? Is it mandatory I have to shine and wear nice shoes in heaven?Am I supposed to pack a cooler with my favorite beverages? Are there good places to fish in heaven and should I bring both bait and my tackle box?

Do yuou have good resteraunts in heaven that I do not have to call ahead, and make reservations? Do you have Popeye's chicken including those tasty buttermilk biscuits? I hope in heaven, there are the good things I like here on earth.

Does heaven have voice response units and bureaucracy? To see God, do I have to fill out paperwork and schedule an appointment? Does God have an executive secretary that I have to deal with?

In regard to voice response units and remote controls, I am pretty certain those devices, computers and some software that bug me, have to have been built and designed by Satan. No one else can explain by any rational logic, otherwise. In regard to Popeye's fried chicken, that is God's work.

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